Inner Game Mastery: How to Navigate Conflict and Collaboration with Love and Curiosity
Have you ever been in a conflict where it felt like no matter how hard you tried to explain yourself, the other person just didn’t seem to hear or see you? Or maybe you’ve been on the other side, drowning in your own pain and unable to truly connect with someone you love? If this resonates, you’re not alone. Most of the fights we experience with others aren’t really about them—they’re about the battles we’re fighting within ourselves.
I’ve been there.
Not long ago, I was in the thick of a battle with someone I cared deeply about. We were both completely consumed by our inner worlds—me, drowning in childhood trauma of not being seen or heard, and them, overwhelmed by their fear of abandonment. From their perspective, I had “left” them emotionally, and from mine, I was spiraling in a fight-or-flight response triggered by years of emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual neglect.
Neither of us could hold the line of love and curiosity.
In that state, I couldn’t hear or see beyond my own pain. Every word they said felt like an attack, and every response I gave was defensive. It was a cycle—one rooted in the unresolved traumas and insecurities we both carried.
Fast forward to today.
After deep inner work—healing the wounds I had ignored for so long—I can now approach conflict with an entirely different mindset. I’ve learned that the true strength in any relationship lies in mastering your inner game.
But what does that really mean?
The Three Pillars of Inner Game Mastery
Calming Your Nervous System
When you’re triggered, your body reacts first. You can’t think straight, let alone hold a space of love and curiosity, if your nervous system is in fight-or-flight mode. Learning to recognize when you’re triggered and practicing tools to calm yourself—like breathwork, grounding exercises, or simply taking a pause—can change everything.Question for you: When was the last time you noticed your body reacting before your mind? What helps you feel grounded in those moments?
Slaying Your Own Dragons
Conflict often magnifies our deepest insecurities. The voices in our head scream, “You’re not enough,” “They’ll leave,” or “You’re too much.” These are the dragons we need to face—not by suppressing them, but by understanding and healing the root causes of those beliefs.Question for you: What are the stories your mind tells you in moments of conflict? How can you rewrite them?
Holding the Line of Love and Curiosity
This is the hardest part. It requires strength to stand in your truth while remaining open to another’s reality. It’s about resisting the urge to defend and instead asking, “What is this really about—for them and for me?”Question for you: How often do you listen to understand rather than respond? What does holding the line of love look like for you?
The Strength It Takes to Stay Curious
True mastery comes from recognizing that the other person’s reality, no matter how loudly it’s projected onto you, doesn’t have to become your truth. It takes courage to pause, breathe, and acknowledge the voice in your head going into defense mode without letting it take over.
I’ve found that this kind of strength doesn’t come from “winning” an argument. It comes from choosing love over fear, curiosity over judgment, and connection over being “right.”
A New Kind of Conflict
Now, when I approach conflict, it feels different. The rupture doesn’t have to break trust or safety. Instead, it becomes an opportunity to deepen understanding and connection. But that only became possible when I did the work to heal the pain and trauma within myself.
And so I ask you:
What would it look like if you could navigate conflict with a calm and centered nervous system?
What would change if you stopped seeing your partner as an adversary and started seeing them as a mirror?
What kind of love and space do you need to give yourself so that you can offer the same to them?
This isn’t about perfection. It’s about progress. It’s about showing up—not just for your partner, but for yourself.
I’d love to hear your thoughts. What has helped you hold the line of love and curiosity in your relationships? What challenges are you facing in mastering your inner game? Let’s start a conversation—because the truth is, we’re all in this together.
The Inner Work of Conflict and Collaboration
Most of the conflicts we experience in relationships aren’t really about the other person. They’re about the stories we tell ourselves, the wounds we carry, and the dragons we haven’t yet slain.
Ask yourself:
When you’re in conflict, what’s the story playing in your head?
Is it about the present moment, or is it a voice from your past replaying an old hurt?
How often does your nervous system hijack the conversation, pulling you into defense mode before you even realize it?
Mastering the inner game means learning to calm your nervous system, face your own insecurities, and hold the line of love and curiosity—even when every part of you wants to shut down, lash out, or run away.
Calming the Nervous System
Our bodies store trauma, and in moments of conflict, it can feel like you’re right back in the thick of it. Learning to self-regulate is a game-changer. Try this next time you feel the heat rising:
Pause. Take a deep breath and notice what’s happening in your body. Are your shoulders tense? Is your heart racing?
Name it. Say to yourself, “This is fear,” or “This is anger.” Naming the emotion helps you separate it from the situation.
Ground yourself. Focus on something physical—the sensation of your feet on the floor, the texture of your clothing—to bring yourself back to the present moment.
Slaying Your Dragons
Your insecurities aren’t villains; they’re wounded parts of you that need healing. When you feel the urge to react, ask:
What part of me feels threatened right now?
Is this about my partner, or is this a projection of my own fears?
What would it take to soothe that part of me without needing my partner to fix it?
Holding the Line of Love and Curiosity
This is the hardest part, but it’s also the most transformative. Holding the line means staying open—even when you feel hurt or misunderstood. It means choosing love over fear, curiosity over judgment.
When your partner is projecting their pain onto you, it’s easy to get defensive. But what if, instead, you asked:
What pain might they be speaking from right now?
How can I respond in a way that honors my truth without abandoning love?
What would it take to listen—not just to their words but to the hurt beneath them?
A New Way Forward
Conflict doesn’t have to be a rupture. When we do the inner work, it becomes an opportunity to deepen connection, understanding, and trust.
Imagine the next time you and your partner face a disagreement. Instead of falling into old patterns, you pause. You breathe. You see your own pain, their pain, and the space between you as a bridge rather than a chasm. You hold the line of love, even as you stand firm in your truth.
It takes strength. It takes courage. But the reward—a relationship where conflict doesn’t destroy but transforms—is worth every moment of effort.
So, let me ask you:
What dragons do you need to slay to show up fully in your relationships?
What would it look like to calm your nervous system and hold space for love and curiosity in the heat of conflict?
What might change if you saw every fight as an invitation to grow, together?
The inner game is where the real work happens. It’s where healing begins, and it’s where love—real, transformative love—can thrive. Are you ready to take that step?